Wasting time avoiding

One of the first things I did upon Union with my Angel was to fall off a Thelemic view of the situation and take on other possibilities. This amped up and reified an intellectual solution to a non-intellectual problem. Leaving the unanswered situations of Life & Experience to flounder.

Union being a problem? Isn’t that the goal. Duncan Barford has been blogging recently on positive trauma. It’s trauma that we take on ourselves. Conversely negative trauma, as something we didn’t choose. As magicians we chose, we employ.

There’s life in these bones
Joy in these bones

I want the best for you

I’ve been in esoterics a long time and I can honestly say the best thing you can do for yourself is to start a meditation practice. Sounds boring and it will be at first and often throughout your journey; it may seem stupid or worthless. Over time you’ll see that it’s not. Especially later when you become interested in what you experience during meditation. But the point isn’t to become beholden to what you experience. At first you’ll need to develop your concentration. After that you can begin deconstruction. Then you’ll begin to explore the witness. Then hopefully you’ll experience awakening. From there you can begin to ‘just sit’, and review your life. I don’t know what happens after that because that’s where I am and I’d never want to steer you wrong. Start a meditation practice today. If you need candles and music and shit hurry and try and get beyond that, get interested in what you experience. Awakening is a serious practice and no doubt you CAN do it. It’s worth it, every human should do it and the world would probably be better if we were all awakened, maybe even forced to meditate at first. Oppressive optimism? Well… I hope you have a good day and that you’ve enjoyed reading this yet most of all I hope you awaken. Just get passed the boring parts.

Those boring parts: Those boring parts are psychological. You will have to review them. You can spend years reviewing these things, making up a fancy story about how your life is and how society should be. Not to be brash, but it’s a waste of time. You can and should review these things. …

I’m exposing my own relationship to reviewing my shadow. I’m shadowing the shadow. No I’m half-way kidding. Shadow work is important business but it’s not required to meditate. My point is that you can spend a lifetime rearranging the things you experience and never get down to the business of awakening. That’s the point of being alive – debatably esoterically speaking. What’s the point of getting involved with spooky shit if you never awaken? Ooh, Bigfoot is real: no he is not. Vampires aren’t real. Nothing you experience is real, you’re Mom’s not real. You’re entire identity is a projection of your mind. It’s not even “your” mind. It’s just experience. Experience ‘is’. It’s weird to explain but it’s true. Meditate for 5 years and you’ll see.

Now that my fascist roots have come out anything you want to throw my way? Geez, I can’t put up with this shit. Get a grip. Life is terrible at times and in places. Warzones man. Famine. Disease. It’s horrible, and I wish it didn’t exist but it does. There are motivators to practice. Unfortunately, most of them are because of something bad. I was an addict. I hate to admit it but it’s true. I’ve been a terrible person at times. I struggle now sometimes. We all have the capacity for ‘bad’, but that’s what makes us meditate. The potential for something ‘good’. Awakening is good. Self review after awakening is good. Do it. Try it and see. If you don’t like awakening so what? Go back to being a d-bag, who cares?

The problem of adding magical things to a non-magical view

In his recent episode, Duncan Barford talks about near-enemies of magick. A near-enemy, he explains, is a Buddhist term for something that may look valuable to practice but really pulls us away from truth. He valuably details three near-enemies to magic: art, psychology, and philosophy.

I’ve noticed in my own practice the tendency to chaos magick things up too much. Of being too nonchalant about magick and overreaching on my skills. To put magical items on a non-magical or atheist mental backdrop and dismissing any effects as not magic. This, obvious now, is magick doing exactly what’s it’s suppose to; it’s behaving exactly correctly. I, on the other hand, am employing the magick incorrectly and inefficiently.

Part of this is part of my ongoing shadow work and self review. It’s better and more effective to give way to a magical backdrop, that reality is magical, and allowing my own deficiencies to show; accept my emotions and project my will. I’ve tended to want to shut down around people. To hide completely, no emotions and no will. There are obvious issues with this and am actively working on standing up for myself. To stand up for the authenticity of my own experience.