Experiencing yourself as completely disjointed is a necessary step to experiencing yourself as Whole and complete. I don’t think the Complete Self can be experienced directly, as you are it. But you’ll know it when you experience yourself as going through experiences. Ah, but this is how you always experience yourself. Thus my thrust that what you are looking for in enlightenment is always with you.
As far as I know and have researched, Choronzon is exclusive to the K&CHGA process and experience. Maybe Crowley made it up but it stuck.
I remember our first encounter well. I was in a bar with my friend, inebriated as I’m sure Crowley would appreciate, and suddenly my friend became the manifestation of Choronzon. I could tell my friend was attached to his experiences. I was entering the process of becoming unattached to mine. This experience is wrapped up in a whole slew of spiritual experiences that show you your Whole Self. Suffice it to say I was surprised but then was coy with him, teasing him that he was believing the words that were coming out of his mouth. I knew they weren’t true. Words never do encapsulate the experience of the Whole.
One of my spiritual mentors, Joel Biroco, talks exclusively to this aspect of Choronzon. I’ve never heard anyone else talk about this, this fragmentation. Like looking in a shattered mirror. To the extent that you suffer, it’s really a terrible thing to be lost in experience, especially to this poignant, demonic, exaggerated extent. The magician really needs to have their spiritual tech together to get through it. Personally, and perhaps in retrospect, I relied completely on the faith I had in my Holy Guardian Angel. He took me and guided me through experiences that would help me and showed me exactly what’d I need. In every experience up to this exact moment he has been with me. This I am sure of. He’s with us since birth. He is our conscious. On saying I did not have the spiritual tech I needed to get through it, I’ve since been guided to it. Though to be fair to myself I did have it, I’m just much more skilled in it now: shikantaza, ritual magic, chaos magic, introspection and journaling. These are all weapons I use against Choronzon.
This experience, Choronzon, hits me so hard I really get triggered when magical folks talk about ‘yay Choronzon I’m spooky edgy and demonic’. That’s really not the point at all. At least not to me. It’s been my general experience that magic is about becoming less of an asshole, thank you. So I will exclusively banish these bad vibes whenever I encounter them. And I’d encourage you to do the same, dear reader. Banish Choronzon In Nomine Babalon, that is, in silence.