Just be yourself

I’ve had a little trouble recently being myself. I worry about people finding out I’m more of a leftist than I let on, I worry about people finding out I’m a dastardly occultist – simultaneously worrying I’m not an occultist because I don’t do enough magic, I worry about my business, social status, and family suffering because of either of these left leaning tendencies, political and spiritual. I really enjoy the friends and connections I have online, though small in number, I genuinely care about the few people who follow me. Most of us have had some connection of the years and have come up with me on my spiritual search. I do want to be more public with my beliefs but feel that my concerns are warranted. I don’t live in San Francisco where I can just do whatever I want. Part of me wishes I could just be myself.

Perhaps my worries are just worries and my friends have my back no matter what. I know you do but I’m not scared of losing your friendship. I’m scared of losing my business and messing up my family’s lives because of something I believe… because of who I am. Does this last part beg me saying the question, what if I’m just a failure? I don’t believe this in the slightest but what if I can’t hold my spiritual or political beliefs and still be the same person. Who do I think people think I am? What if they thought I was more free-spirited than I am? There’s no harm in that. Why don’t I write what I want to write? Why don’t I just be myself?

How does this look in everyday life? I’m not linking my personal stuff to this anyway. Do I want to go on massive FB political rants? Doubt anyone would care. Participate in more spiritual group stuff? I’ve wanted to do this anyway. I’m afraid. I guess that’s all there is to it. Good ol’ fear. Pray for me or spell for me to overcome this fear. That I may leverage my beliefs and my personal life to mutual benefit.

I want to emote without being judged as having that intellectual position. I hate Republicans isn’t the same thing as I hate every person registered Republican. Does the internet even know this distinction anymore? I need to be careful I express this. Not to say stupid stuff but to emote. There’s a discernable difference methinks.

That’s it for now. Holler if you’ve ever had trouble expressing yourself. Happy to hear from you. Trying to be genuine here. Be well.

One thought on “Just be yourself

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