journal 11.17

Tomorrow is an HGA day. Workout, magically and physically. Actually be on a path. The whole thing is magic. No more hiding from psychic effects.

To try, to “give it your all”. Is to set yourself up for all range of emotion. To BE a man.

Meditation, energy work, offering. Workout. With a preparedness to so it again the next day. To survive. To be thankful to feel. I can’t run from my emotions any more. I’ve chosen this path. I’ve earmarks this path with my accomplishments so far. I deserve this. My wife deserves this. My kids deserve this. Honesty. Effort. Duty. Focus. These are my four horsemen. The spiritual apocalypse is among us.

Focus on areas of improvement, in practice. Just sitting – focus on just sitting feel, or do I? Energy – focus on power. Offering – focus on honesty and experience.

Preparing yourself for success with recovery. That tender piece of me that says im not doing drugs. I’ve done good with alcohol but I’ve removed that substance but addiction is still hot. That need, is still running – not for alcohol but in general.

Step one in equipping myself for success is to be honest with K about what I’m doing with recovery.

Goal of working out is to feel strong. Protected like I can protect myself.

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