Enlightenment Night & Meditation Mornings

On the night I experienced complete enlightenment

I returned home from a family outing. I booted up the computer and was browsing a familiar enlightenment site.

Nothing strange or out of the ordinary.

I read a girl’s comment on a forum, “you’re just talking over reality”.


My crown chakra popped. I heard a sound and the image of a ball bursting out of the top came into my mind. I could feel intense tingling on the top of my head. Heat was emanating from this area.

I excitedly thought to myself, “that was it”. I looked at my dog. There was no dog. In my visual field I could see there she was but I could not honestly say there was a dog there. Emptiness pervaded my entire field of perception. The senses still operated but emptiness was everywhere.

I took a mindfulness inventory of my what was going on in my head. It was as if my talking mind took a side step and the background awareness of my mind took the foreground. I had an immense sense of relief.

I marveled in wonder, wondering if it would stay or what would happen next.

I went to bed so excited. I had a liminal vision, not quite to sleep yet, that confirmed that this was in fact what I thought it was: satori.

*   *   *

Then began the years long process of confusion, lethargy, fantastic seeming-abilities (visits to high up heavenly realms), spontaneous crown chakra activation when I’d read about emptiness, and an intense understanding of spiritual texts.

One of the worst things about this time period, from my life’s perspective now, was the lethargy. The feeling that I was ‘above’ life and the day to day and my emotions. I stated in a recent post that I felt that magical discipline was the key to life. I truly believe this. In that time period I had neither the discipline or the support to sustain my level of insight. I’m not saying it was a mistake to shoot for enlightenment. I’m not saying enlightenment has faded. I’m saying it was a mistake for me to not have discipline. Mind you, I was still drinking at this point. It makes me sad to think about the time I wasted. But I’ve never regretted the contact with my Holy Guardian Angel, sitting in meditation, studying Zen Buddhism, visiting these heavenly realms, or having insight. It was like someone who ran 5Ks climbing Mount Everest. It wouldn’t be entirely impossible with the proper support; it’s not the nature of Mount Everest to live up there; and I was not a mountaineer at this point in my training.

I have had a deep level of shame that this could have even happened to me. You hear of people who “have had no spiritual training or interest” spontaneously becoming enlightened; this is bullshit. They have had some kind of an interest or some kind of training. The nature of enlightenment, in the defense of the inexperienced, is conditionless. Your eternal awareness has nothing to do with “you” in the sense of being good enough or how many hours you’ve sat on a damn pillow. It’s ripe for the taking. There’s no social law that states the requirements for achieving satori. In practice, there does seem to be some sort of build up to it. Like puberty gets you ready for sex. But there’s no “line” that says, “okay now you can have an intimate relationship”. Just like there’s no line of “worthiness” that makes it okay for a certain type of person to achieve enlightenment. You just do it. You study, you practice, you desire it, and karmic rebirth, or whatever, puts it in front of you. And it happens. Or not. Though, if not, you’re probably practicing wrong. Though it’s conditionless, we live in a conditioned world. This is why I suggest the Knowledge and Conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel. It’s like a fast lane opens up on a busy highway. You just “get it”. Maybe I was lucky, but I did seem to have a knack for an interest in insight. I was more interested in insight than ritual. Insight being an understanding of the working of the mind and how thoughts and the thoughts of self are related to awareness.

*   *   *

Ok, so, what is enlightenment? Enlightenment is an experiential phenomenon that relates to the practitioner the nature of consciousness. You can experience the nature of consciousness without understanding it and you can also understand the nature of consciousness without experiencing it.

Why is enlightenment important? There are countless spiritual texts that tell about securing immortality and special abilities, and these may be true in context, but really, to me, it is important as an occult phenomenon to be studied through experience, the true occult science way. It’s also the “highest” occult ability. Enlightenment is important because it teaches you kindness. It shows you that every person, place, and thing is a facet of consciousness. Everything, yourself included, is a part of the greater whole. And the greater whole is consciousness. You are part of the being, the mystery, that is existence. If a being claims to have “made” existence, guess what? Consciousness came first. Being was already created before the Gods got their hands on it. Perhaps the Gods are a close second and so close we cannot even imagine; but they partake in consciousness too. Scientists are baffled by it. Drugged up hippies are ‘bro-ing’ over it. And meditators have the distinct pleasure of sitting silently with it in the darkness of the morning before the world wakes up. This is why I sit and this is why discipline is so important to me. Am I a super disciplined person? No. Do I have some special ability that makes me disciplined? No. But I do think morning meditation is special. And that’s why I do it.

2 thoughts on “Enlightenment Night & Meditation Mornings

  1. Insight into the nature of awareness doesn’t imply any sort of permanent state or constant emotive experience. Nor does it imply that absence of the ability to experience any emotion. Nor does the simplicity of my definition necessarily negate the immensity of the implications. I think you’re falling into superstitious thinking regarding a romanticized concept of enlightenment. An enlightened meditator/magician can see that their inner person is an experience and that the source of this identity is objectless awareness. My underlying “buzz” is an ability to experience ’emptiness’ at will. “At will”: anyone who claims permanency is, I’d wager, experientially wrong and conceptualizing their experience.


  2. Well, I started to ask, “are you sure it was enlightenment?” Then I remembered how only a few years ago I used to keep talking about my own ‘samadhi’ experience, in a meditation with a well-known chaos egregore named Doombringer.

    It is not widely enough known that there are in fact many intermediate states of expanded consciousness. The Hindu and Buddhist terms are not completely clear to westerners because we tend to make all of them sound like the ultimate one that you never come back from. But of course, you do come back and have everyday feelings, even such ones as ‘shame’ as you said. One day you feel ashamed and another day you feel happy, because you’ve just reverted to normal. Normal with a little underlying buzz.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s