Did not feel good today but still managed to get everything current and caught up at work. I pulled out some cards from The Forty Servants I wanted to use in the evening and I have to say I think it “worked”. At what point do we stop being at minimum interested when magick works? I had some planetary magick insights that I think were from one of the cards I pulled out. I’m not in a position to do any planetary magick but I perhaps could if I had the time and desire by way of finagling with the Greater Ritual of the Hexagram. I’ve messed with these forms and the Greater Pentagram rituals. I do really like energy work and that’s the way I’d probably mess with it. I feel like I have a lot of Saturnian energy in my psyche. I mean, I did just work with Death. But this darker aesthetic is something I’m traditionally attracted to. The practical problems this creates for me is the work it’d take to alter this energy into something more productive is difficult for me to accomplish because my brain gets dragged down by the weight. In other words, to be completely honest, I keep making the same mistakes. It’s so much easier for me to do the same things that drag me down than it is for me to do something different and risk, *gasp*, not knowing what the fuck I’m doing. Yes, I have confidence issues. But with beginners mind isn’t it so fun to get in there and just do something? I have to say, I think I’ve been doing a better job with this this week at work. But my diet sucks which is making me feel like crap. I just always worry about being perfect or I give up. All or nothing. I think allowing myself to have a ‘cheat day’ or whatever could be beneficial to my success. I’ll keep you updated with what I do about these issues. I’ve got some ideas cooking.