I’m starting to feel like things are falling off and I’m learning the type of practitioner I want to be. This is something I didn’t really expect but I’m especially glad it occurred. I was expecting more dialogue with alcohol and exploration of that to pop up spontaneously. One of my failures this month was not instigating this. This month has taught me about focus. After the challenge is over I’m going to focus on my daily contemplation meditation and hone my skills there in the context of awakening. That really is the most important thing to me spiritually. If I had to pick one occult technique that’d definitely be it. Union with God/enlightenment/awakening/whatever is deeply meaningful and knocks out a lot of “human experience” problems most people seem to have, over time with practice. As Daniel Ingram once said in a talk I watched online, “do you want the car with the automatic airbags or the ones you have to remember to pull in case of an accident”. In daily practice I’ll also add in one more focused practice instead of my unfocused ‘gotta practice it all’ type of approach. If I’m going to be an occultist then it’s going to take a lifetime. No need to rush now. Next it’s going to be shadow work. Maybe not done necessarily at the same time of day as the contemplation. How spooky would it be to do it outside at night surrounded by candles! Theatré! I’ll spend 20 minutes or so in meditation poking and prodding my feelings over alcohol. I expect to do this maybe two weeks. Then I’ll move on to the next skill I want to hone. I have greatly enjoyed playing with the Silver Shielding Technique and was thoroughly impressed with myself that I could move the spheres side to side and up and down from hand to hand the other day. I’m glad I have the shielding technique at my disposal and I’ll continue to hone it. My tarot work has improved also as I move away from an intuitive approach (still useful, especially with my Hidden Waters tarot cards) and into a more book based approach. Practical enchantment is something I think we’re all looking to improve and I’ll continue to do so and experiment with various techniques. Asking Legba to take of a sigil seemed to work pretty well as it was something I didn’t have to worry about “is it occurring yet”. Or also because I literally didn’t know what it was for – isn’t that sigil 101? Goofy learner here. Ok so maybe I’m still ‘gotta practice it all’!
I’ve learned more about Wolf and our relationship has shifted yet again. I see him as a spirit guide and not a representation of my lower self. He may very well be “from” the lower self but I think his animalistic nature is not an indication of him representing primal urges/desire at all. Which is what I’ve thought for a long time – an anthropomorphic representation of desire. I see him as a guide that is leading me to a more magical self. I think he led me to the 3 self model but doesn’t necessarily reside in it. He’s also suggested to me a way of ordering magick, meditation, and normal life in the 3 self model that’ll help me organize my way of thinking about each.
8pm – Silver Sphere Shielding & 20 minutes meditation, insights into the symbolic nature of, and uses of symbols in, consciousness.