Dreams hazy, was super tired. Hanging out with a not too popular guy at my passed away grandma house. I think I took two shots of tequila, that was my limit. He did first. I asked what was he drinking.
At my family’s old beach condo that was tore down by hurricanes. I was inside, I was tired. I remember watching the waves, they were so beautiful. Feeling somber about the whole thing. I had to use the bathroom and took a book by a silly popular magician about their magician friend with me. A huge explosion warranted me to go check it out. Felt stupid for reading the book. No one seemed too concerned about it. One girl was clanging a wrought iron bell thing (reminded of Persephone’s Wikipedia pic). I didn’t recognize the people I was with. A massive group of people came walking slowly back from the scene of the explosion sound. There didn’t seem to be any issue.
Later I was alone along the bank of a huge river. I think it was London. I went far out out on the water on a rock, feeling brave, curious, and with nothing to lose. There was some danger but not much. When I got back in I watched a video of me and a friend fighting on it. He was trying to knock me off and I was dodging him.
Slept 10 hours last night. When stretching myself I must take time to rest appropriately on purpose or I will snap or rebound backwards.
Are a good hearty lunch and I’m feeling much better. Took a couple minutes to meditate when getting back to the office to reset my mind.
Had a tough appointment I was worried about. Asked Ganesh for help and said his mantra on the way over. Went well. Thanked him when done.
Feeling emotionally down this afternoon. Tried to accept it and see where it led. Some nice jazz guitar music, that’s where.
9:15pm 20 min sit
Began sit very hopeful and looking forward to it. Began concentrating and then immediately became frustrated. Posture became uncomfortable and mind was a wreck. Struggled, shifting posture for a while. Tried going into jhana to get something more interesting to concentrate on. Didn’t work. Ready to get up. Then I switched to insight mode. Immediate relief. Felt blissfully confident and self aware. Decided to mindfully switch back to concentration to see if I could tell a difference in the two modes of perception. This worked really well. I noticed some differences in the two and used this to get into concentration more and see some of the features I was trying to fight off were part of it and I could really just ignore them. The sit ended with me being really ok with concentration. Ended the sit slowly and calmly, pleasantly.
Asking Persephone for a story in my dreams.