I was at home. But it was a house I had never seen before. We had just moved in. My wife was mad at me so I was outside drinking at nighttime. There was a heavy metal amusement ride. I was high up, 50 ft in the air, pretending to be the drummer, and it swung me around. The song projected a large heavy metal music video. I wondered when the neighbors would see. I got bored and got off. I walked around to the porch. I put the headphones I use when drinking on the rail. I walked around back, I wasn’t ready to go in yet. I was looking in our back yard. There were things I’d never seen before. Wires and old cars. I was planning summer projects for them. I was sad I’d not taken care of them already due to drinking. I thought about scavenging them. My middle son and two nieces came by still playing outside. I told them to go inside. They kept playing. I got tired of them quickly, annoyed, and told them to go inside again.
15 min concentration sit. Started off grounding, sending energy to the root. Felt sensations in butt. Once back slightly loosened up I switched object (of concentration) to the breath. I counted my breaths and fought my way through complete distraction. I was counting all the way to 10 and had gone past complete distraction, becoming internalized by the end of the sit.
Had several more dreams. Too tired to write them down. One the contents was scary. I was all alone in a house I thought was haunted but it was really just a piece of shit. My friends came later or had dropped me off to begin with.
20 min concentration sit. Started off again trying to ground. Very tired, mind dull. Concentrated on posture and was able to work out some of the dullness. Switched to the breath. Straightened posture but it wasn’t very comfortable, breathing strained at diaphragm. Counted to 10 once before timer went off.
I don’t usually do this but, card for the day: CMG deck – Queen of Wands, she came up the other day when I was putting the deck away but I didn’t think anything about it. She looks delightfully ‘mad’. What is she trying to tell me? To be a little bit more crazy, unpredictable. Perhaps this is why the masculinity altar at work was a dud. Set up a feminine crazy altar. She reminds me of a female Legba. Or maybe that’s the energy he has. Set up Papa Legba shrine. To confirm this pull another card. I’m afraid I’ll be wrong but also, why not science? 7 of Wands. Reminded of Robert Johnson’s deal with Legba at the crossroads. Chariot of Wands. Legba spirit work! Dogs sacred to Legba, check out Queen of Wands card! Offered Legba a hot cup of coffee, New Orleans Southern Pecan brew, at my home magical work-space.
The necklace: I haven’t written about this before, but I wear a necklace that represents levels of commitment to practice. The first item I put on was for initiation. The item is a connecting metal piece. I’ve been a magician for a while but the necklace is new and I wanted to see how it developed. I earned the 2nd item a couple weeks later when I developed concentration meditation as a method for grounding and shielding myself. The charm is an anchor. I’ve been wearing it for a few weeks. I earned my Wolf charm today after I wrote a personal letter to myself dealing in many issues I was deeply concerned about (5 of pentacles). I concluded that shadow work and I’m past that now. I’m no longer denying him, which I was ready to do around day 8. Wolf is my lower nature and an essential part of my being. The Wolf charm is a different necklace, a necklace of self-expression. Something I’ve been lacking in and shy about. I treated myself and ordered it online. I’m excited to get it in the mail.
Read 20 mins out loud to family. Read White Noise 50 mins. I’ve been keeping track of pages and time read to calculate my reading speed for fun. I have some theories about reading speed and the type of literature being read. When I want to use my imagination I read slower, when I want the knowledge I read faster.
I asked Legba for a dream. Seems happy to comply but what do I want to see? I want to see the gateway, I want to see the underworld. I want to understand what happens after death. Of course, right! And I want to come back (more hesitation). Showed me 37. That’s 3 7’s also. Looked up Legba’s number. Number is three and multiples of three. Wow! Next time I’ll write it down before I look it up. I did the opposite tonight to see if it made sense. I was doubtful again as before. Third time today! Legba’s not let me down yet. I’m confident he’ll show me something in the dream world.