Dream a conservative family friend got a hold of my website. I was either trying to help him or someone else with something is how he got it. Maybe my alpha-male friend. Told me an online acquaintance should be blocked by “me and the cloud” because he was ‘privileged’.
Disturbing werewolf dream. I had to pitch in a baseball game that day but wasn’t taking care of myself. P (a funny friend) was already at the field when I got there, cutting up. Inside the school, I was taking a test and didn’t have a calculator. I walked around looking my teacher with P – Dr W. I told her. She was in a class with a lot of other teachers. She said she was busy and I couldn’t use phones to use a regular calculator. I went back to the class. On the way I found a psychic octopus, a black spiny octopus. In class, filled with students, we were waiting for our teacher. Someone suggests we rap to pass the time. P makes it snow with his new powers. Then he makes a werewolf. The snow and werewolf fade away and the class is cheering. Not to be outdone I imagine a scary werewolf and pump it up with energy as hard as I can. The scene turns and we’re all werewolves running off a cliff. It’s disgusting and the dream imagery has increased sharply in clarity. There’s a guy with a pug falling with us. He’s terrified. We all fall into water. The teacher jumps in and we’re all shocked. But on the way down in slow-mo she turns into a werewolf. When she lands deep in the water we build a tower out of all of us werewolves to get her to the surface. A Wolf is floating underwater and comically can’t believe what is going on. The guy, Robert Downey Jr, is laying in the water trying not to attract attention, terrified to move because he knows they’ll kill him, holding his breath mouth open bloody water flowing into his mouth, laying under dead bodies. The pug nearby.
Last night I set the 5 of Pentacles in a triangle and a wizard figure I have in a metal ring. I was expecting dreams based on this. When I woke up the card was laying outside of triangle. Wizard dude knocked over. I absentmindedly tossed my pillow on the floor before bed. Unsure of dreams – were they affected by the card? Because it was out of the triangle were the dreams unrelated? I think they were unaffected a. because I didn’t know they moved b. because I had dreams of werewolves c. I wasn’t prepared for my test in the dream d. I was avoiding my test with psychic powers e. I met a terrible end.
20 min sit. Breath meditation – square breathing. 4 secs in 4 hold 4 secs out 4 hold. Pranayama. Started out good. Then my mind got distracted for a while. I was needing to take deeper breaths but didn’t know if this was my lungs or my distraction. I knew my lung capacity was increasing but I also knew my concentration was shot and that I needed to refocus. I tried slower 4 seconds, using a watch to count seconds, counting to 5 seconds. My concentration got a second wind when my breathing came around to square. I was swaying back and forth like a metronome, breath perfectly in tune, count-wise and capacity-wise. Finished like this. Satisfied. Interesting adventure. Will continue breathing exercises in the future.
Meditation insights (pragmatic dharma – which I haven’t written about at all, yet): Distraction is an experience in reality. Reality is what is experienced. I believe the self is in experience, not away from it.
The alpha-male archetype keeps popping up along with other archetypes I picked up from last night’s dream (comedian, healer, animal, psychic, innocent). Maybe because I back down from him. Even though I’m better (in baseball, when we played) he’s an alpha type. So maybe I’ve taken a beta position in my life. Not taking up for myself. Coupling this is not being able to self-sooth and take care of myself leads to a pitiful life. And I’ve been pitiful.
Using a cool coin I have to balance and emphasize energies. One side is divided into two and the other side is divided into four. Right now I’m trying to emphasize masculine energies so I have the dual side up, quad side down. It’s not perfect but I’m rolling with it. I’ve set it on my desk. Put other manly items I could find on the altar, er desk.
I’m surprised I did so much magic on Sunday. Full moon?
Read over 30 mins out loud to the family, Harry Potter 1.
The last thing I want to mention that I haven’t since the beginning is my diet and exercise. Both are going great. I’ve lost 13 lbs and I feel much stronger. I’m exercising about 4 days a week. I’m doing a workout video with full body cardio with my wife. She’s lost a bunch of weight too. I’m adding in weightlifting, just with the bar (45 lbs.) to work on form for now, one day a week. I’m still training myself to get used to waking up at 6am in the morning! I used to crawl out of bed at the last possible second. I enjoy my mornings and I need to be more mindful of this.