4am tarot reading. Woke up from a dream about music thinking about my relationship with music. I’ve struggle in my drinking habit changes and sobriety this month, should I find and listen to new music or is it ok to listen to old, in a new light, or will it trigger me? I have tested the old too much and failed, so I’m asking the cards: is it ok to listen to old music? CMG deck – 8 of Cups, instant interp based on pic, can let your imagination run wild, be happy and interested yet not act impulsively on it. Card looks univers-y with a smile. The imagination is a good thing. 8 is strength. So strength of my emotions. Don’t have to be impulsive (based on emotions). I think since I’ve begun meditating again I’ve learned, I’m beginning to learn, and I have learned that this is true and I can control my actions surrounding emotions and strong emotions.
6:30am 20 min sit. Started counting breaths. Made it a couple cycles through to 10 then got distracted. My brain really wanted to stay groggy and be absorbed in sleep mode. I coaxed it out to listen and experience the morning and nature (through the french doors). I listened to the birds. One period of thought soon later. Nearer the end went back in sleepy mode but managed to watch some of the sensations of my breath till time. An interesting thing: I looked at my watch and it said 5 mins; I said to myself “I only have 5 minutes left” in the tone of me wanting to be there as opposed to toughing out the last few mins. It was a pretty exciting development but may not seem like much, I found it interesting.